Broken...

Ok...so I blogged and told you how Vegas started for me. Now I'll share with you about some life experience. On November 4, 2008 I was 17 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. I went in for a regular visit only to find that they could no longer find the heartbeat of my baby. I think my heart stopped in that moment. Actually, I think it shattered. It was a pain I could never have imagined...and will never get over. This baby was already a part of our life, our dreams, our home. Gone in an instant...not a thing you can do to make it better or to go back and change it. Wishing you could wake up from this bad dream and go back to things as you remembered them the day before. Tommy and I held each other and cried...for days. We coped the best we knew how. We had so many emotions and so many questions. In times like these we want to blame God or question why...but we found that ultimately..He was the only place we found real comfort. To experience His peace...not that everything will be perfect...but that He will help us make it through it. I had to finally come to a point to say, ok...we experienced this...we would never choose it..but it happened...now what? So, how can God use it? For one, our marriage. We thought our marriage was good...even great. This experience took our marriage to another level, it bonded us like nothing ever before. Maybe this was part of the preparation for Vegas? Wow...to use it to help other people. God has already used this to allow us to help other people. To experience the brokeness and pain on that level. It's definately something you can never imagine, having never been there. So maybe how could we help people who are there if we had never been there? So one of the reasons we were going to Vegas was to help the hurting and broken people there...and now...we know what it feels like to be there. Although, we have Christ as our comfort and anchor. I can't imagine going through life or experiences without Him. So although it has been 3 months and 19 days, we are continuing to heal. As Tommy helped explain it...it is an open raw wound at first, then begins to scab over and eventually scars over. It will always be there and always be at a tender spot in our life. Sometimes the scab is ripped off and the wound reopens, but I pray that God will continue to use it to help others who are wounded and scarred.